Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
