I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
