So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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