She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
