fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
