Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Someone came in the potted fern
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
