True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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