I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
