One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
