Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
