something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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