There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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