Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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