Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize