His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
