How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
