i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
