Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
