Your tits are I can't wait for
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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