help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
