I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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