Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just want to make out with him forever
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
