Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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