And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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