She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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