Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
