Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize