if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
