Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
