Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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