why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
