It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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