She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
