the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
