Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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