from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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