I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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