Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize