I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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