Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
