I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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