What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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