Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
