The maid of honor just puked.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
