just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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