Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
