she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
