The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
