Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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