he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
