i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
