And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
