I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize