he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I would ride that face into the sunset
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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