Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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