Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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