why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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