I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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