We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
