saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
