im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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