I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Randomize
