it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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