She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
