My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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