On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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