I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize