Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
