I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
