Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
