he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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