Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
