So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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