she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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