im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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