your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
