so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
