Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
