it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
