Say something about gay babies.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
