thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
