there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
