I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
