My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
