what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
