he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
