i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
