We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
