I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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