remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
