I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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