Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
