i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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