I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
