oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
