Porn is love you can see.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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