I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
