I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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