Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
